Mmmmm, potato soup.

As I sit here, the apartment is filled with a dancing aroma of potato soup. I realized after 2 hours of cooking I forgot to add the sausage and onion....oops! But all was not lost....I quickly cooked up the sausage and diced up the onion and presto...all was well in the cereal box of life I live in.

I have been finishing up some 'me' projects as I have neglected taking time to release my creativity just for the fun of it. I am one of those people who is a mix of an introvert and an extrovert. I need both to exist. Sometimes I can be too overly stimulated by socializing, that I need a break from everyone to recharge. I love people, but I love my 'me' time just as much.

I worked on my project 52 photo this weekend. I had a choice between textures and hands. I tried both and decided on a texture one, even though it didn't get as much love on FB like the hand one did. I always love the photos no one else seems to care for. I have still yet to figure out why that is. I also worked on an art journal. I have never been good at starting an art journal..I always talk about it, buy books on it--yet have always held myself back from diving into it.  We had to do something similar for one of my photography classes, but I never considered it an Art journal..it followed a series of homework projects for the class and was nothing like I had pictured in my head.

I wanted a real authentic looking journal..the kind you see in books. So I decided to give it a go. I am pretty happy with the results so far and I will continue to build on what I have learned. 

The sadness I have been dealing with is still residing deeply in my gut, even with eating healthier, exercising and creating more, it lingers. It makes an appearance unexpectedly, causing a knot to form in my throat, my stomach sickens, and my heart aches....literally. My disappointment in society grows. I see so much bitterness in people...most of them walking around in a zombie like state. I still see some good in people, but it seems the bad always outweighs the good.

I grow closer to my first Transformation goal, I already have a photo idea in mind. Can't wait to execute it. Just a few more pounds to go. :) Then it will be time to add another goal and another photo idea. :)

No matter how hard we try to protect our hearts, they still bleed.

 This was another photo out take on a piece of glass. I love glass and someday hope to be able to take a glass blowing class to learn how to do this. The textures in this are beautiful and I love how the light plays with the translucency of  the glass.

Project 52: Week 6: Texture

I chose this photo because it reminded me of something you would see in the ocean and I love how the bristles look as if they are growing towards the light; as if they are alive.

So this is the start of my art journal. I seriously doubt it will stay in a journal format as I will probably frame each page...haha! I enjoyed doing this and really wish I had more time to do this kind of work. I do have two giant skinny canvases that I am going to do like this. I can see it in my head..just have to get it on paper now.

Until next time,
 May there be paint between your fingers, and warm soup in your belly,
Jo

No more snow, please and thank you.

I have had my blog written down on my to do list for 2 weeks now and have failed each time to actually sit down and write. That's the problem with life, it just sneaks in and sucks up any extra time you might have. I have a lot to share as I continue my Project 52 and my Transformation series. 

This winter has made a lot of enemies with human-kind. People are sick of the dreary weather and snow. For those of us who suffer from depression or are sensitive to the weather changes, it has hit hard. People have become these hideous beasts, knocking down whoever is in their path. It's amazing how the weather can affect us and our moods. I am still battling a great sadness. I am hoping maybe it is just the weather. I know a lot of it is from stress and worry. I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. My sleep is engulfed with weird dreams, and fear. I haven't done a lot of creating like I need too. My body has been riddled with exhaustion. My Dad's birthday was on the 4th, that hit me harder than I thought it would. I posted a message on Fb to him...tears streaming down my face.


Dear Papoose,
My mind was hidden today, lost in thought......my emotions plastered by a poker face. I wish you were here. I thought about what I would get you for your birthday if you were here...nothing came to mind. My heart ached today. Thankfully I had Shelby to keep me in better spirits. I miss you. I want to show you all the things I am doing, I want to talk to you about my fears, about my depression, about my health issues, about life. It's not the same talking into the air and hoping that you hear me. I need to hear your voice. I need to feel your hug. I need to poke your sides, while calling you a Woose. Every time I am out and I see Blue Moon Beer, I think of you and the song Blue Moon arises from my heart. I sing it every time, even if it is just a mere whisper under my breath. Everyone tells me that you would be proud of me, but I think part of you would be sad..I was the one kid you worried so much about....all the struggling I have had to do just to survive. You worried so much about me. I wish I could say I was in a better place, but I am not there yet. I am creating and doing more art, which I know you would be happy about. I am tired Dad. So much is happening to our family, a lot of it is disheartening and it would make you sad if you were here. I am singing Happy Birthday to you Blue Moon style. I hope you know how much you are missed and how much we love you. Happy Birthday Papoose!


I have been doing well with my weight loss...so far 5 pounds gone in 2 weeks. It has been hard, really hard. Food has always been my security blanket, my comfort, my best friend. Now it is just a means to survive, nothing more. It gets easier with time, but the first month or so turns me into a 2 headed fire breathing dragon. Once I hit under 200 pounds I will do a new Transformation photo. 

Ideas keep pouring out of me.....there is so much I want to do this year. I have started a pay it forward journey in which each month I have a drawing and send handmade gifts to the winners. It helps me create, but also helps me ease my depression. People seem to be enjoying it. It has also been interesting to see people's reactions, some people, surprisingly are not appreciative, where others are overwhelmingly happy to have something handmade. I think that is one area of humanity that saddens me, is the 'thank you's' and 'pleases' have gone away. Half the time I never even know if someone likes something I have made...I usually never hear from them again. My fiance tells me that is just the way the world is now. It breaks my heart. 



Here are the past few photos from the Project 52 series:

Project 52: Week 3: Lines

Project 52: Week 4: Temptation

Project 52 Week 5: Natural light

My dream from the other night:

 I was in my old house in Noblesville... There was this tarantula living on my body. I was terrified of it (I am afraid of spiders) I was too paralyzed to remove it. It kept getting bigger and bigger.
 Sometimes it would leave, and I would never know where it went..but then it would reappear attached to my body again. One day I gained the courage the yank it off of me. I quickly wrapped it in strips of white material while it tried to bite me. I just kept wrapping as quickly as I could. I then ran into the kitchen of my childhood home, turned on the oven to 350 and threw the spider in the oven...it instantly transformed; first to a gray baby owl with sad eyes-- which made me question my decision and the thought of opening the oven washed over me until it changed to a face of a old looking man (if you have ever watched Terminator, the bad guy cop and how his face would transform from liquid to a solid form---that is how this looked), then it changed to a gray ashy looking person and so fourth..Their eyes looked up at me in pain as the spider continued to burn. I turned away and looked out this big picture window and a beautiful sky of reds, yellows, oranges was there as I stared in awe of it's beauty---

I think I know what the dream means and what it is telling me I need to do. The hardest part is the 'doing'......or having the faith to just let it all go.



I am off to map out my journey for this week. Zumba tonight....Be thankful you can't see my moves.....:)


Until next time,
wishing winter away,
Jo