When normal isn't good enough.

Here it is, another Sunday morning. It's quiet, yet cold. The apartment has a winter chill to it. The sky is blanketed in clouds as the sun decides to sleep in. A soft hum from the furnace fills the air. How much longer will this winter last?

I was reminded today how trying to be normal in an artist world is never a good idea. I spent the morning writing my sister who turned 30 today. I remember being 30. That is when my life began to change. I wanted something more, something different. I was a lost soul, a caged bird who needed to fly. My feathers were dull and lifeless. My life changed at 30...my life changed at 30.......it took several more years to figure out who I was and who I am today. I still struggle to find some sort of balance. I also realized that my depression stems from being caged and unsatisfied. I feel stuck and I am not sure how to fix it. So many people settle, they figure this is their life and this is the way it's going to be, why fight it? 
I am not wired like that, neither is my sister who has much bigger wings than I do. I admire her beautiful feathers. I am craving something so much more. Last Friday I called Mom, sobbing that I was not like everyone else, my thoughts and mind, how I am suppose to live according to societies standards. All the things people tell me I NEED to do... I am not defined by society, yet somehow I am. I hate it. People always tell you that you are responsible for your own happiness, if you don't like something, change it. But if you don't know how, then what do you do?

I am a week behind on my Project 52, mainly due to being sick. Indiana has had crazy weather changes and my body doesn't adjust too well. I am also a little stuck on what to do for the next photo. I have some ideas....it's just trying to execute the idea in a short period of time.


Project 52: Week 9: Sounds.

I am not sure how many people will understand this, but it reminded me of sounds, the way the strings bounced off the guitar against the light....it is more of an abstract piece than I usually do, but there was just just something about it that captured my heart.

 This next photo was one I was just playing around with, another idea that didn't turn out how I wanted it too. I was able to save it and turn it into a self portrait. I was overcome with a sadness while doing this photo. The guitar belongs to my sister, and the thought of her being in Afghanistan kind of consumed my thoughts. I have had her guitar forever. One day I am sure she will want it back. LOL.

Loneliness is a bitter beast in which dragons come to feast

Until next time,
goodbye winter chills, may soft music play, and fat dragons pass you by...
Jo

A Sunday that doesn't feel like a Sunday

I told myself last night I was going to stay off of FB, take a break from social media as I feel at times it can be just too much. I think back when I was younger and there was no such thing as FB, or twitter, or Instagram.....how did we survive? I think we made more of an effort to see one another in person or call one another...now we can just check on each other through a page and a news feed. 
I have been in a dark place for quite some time. Some days are worse than others, but there is a deep rooted hole in the pit of my stomach. My creative juices are alive and bombarding me. I want to create, yet I feel paralyze on how to get what I feel tumbling inside of me out in the open. I am creating like mad, but nothing is satisfying the madness within. Something amazing needs to happen, something that makes people step back in awe. I have some big projects unfolding, but they are a work in progress. I feel time slipping away. I am too tired to keep up. 
People tell me I need some 'me' time, and while that may be true to a point, I think it is something much more and I just can't seem to figure it out. Maybe this is what insanity is like..haha! I am still plugging a long with my Project 52. I am a tad behind, but not enough to worry. I will catch up! :) Some of the themes are a bit tough to come up with a quick idea. My goal is to do something within a couple of hours...to push myself to quit over-thinking and just do. I am very detail oriented and will over think every last detail to the point of exhaustion. So this Project 52 makes do something in a short period of time and make it work.


PROJECT 52: Week 6: Red

 

 I originally started out with one strawberry and it didn't quite have the effect I wanted. My remote on my camera is dead so I had to hit the 2 sec timer and drop the strawberries as the shutter clicked. It took a few tries, but I made it work. I also made a mess with all the water....:)

PROJECT 52: Week 7: Landscape.

                            My love for sunsets and clouds.

Self Portrait: 2014

This is a portrait I did last Friday. I had just closed a chapter in my life and the stress was a bit overwhelming. SO I decided to do a quick shoot with just a wig and some white material and PS. Again, I am trying to train my brain to think quickly, use what I have around me and just shoot...keep shooting, keep pushing forward.... Most of you know I am an avid self portrait taker. There is something so relaxing about it. 

The other day the realization hit me that I really don't have any creative friends who live close.. I would love to go on a photo shoot with another photographer and just create together. I would love to just have someone to hangout with and be crazy with. I miss having a best friend. I have close friends, but not a best friend where I tell all secrets, spend time being stupid; knowing I can be myself, even on the days I don't love myself, that person will still love me... I miss that bond. 

I spent this past week sick, so my diet wagon tipped over, rolled down a hill and caught on fire. I ate everything in sight. I am afraid to weigh myself for fear I might throw the scale out the window. So my Transformation is burning somewhere at the bottom of a hill....I am sure I have a fire extinguisher somewhere...and maybe some glue, tape and a little paint to rebuild the wagon.....it might not be pretty, but as long as it moves that is all that matters, right?

Until next time,
crazy days, brain freezes, and a supply of wagons,
Jo