Here kitty kitty..

Here is it another Sunday. My heart is heavy. Heavy with worry, heavy with doubt, heavy with emptiness. I can't pinpoint it to one thing. I just feel an emptiness, a huge void that can't seem to be filled, no matter what I do or try. Life itself is wearing me out. I am trying to stay creative, and that seems to be working in keeping my mind off the emptiness. I think artists create some of their best work during the worst voids in their lives. My creative juices have been non-stop. So maybe I should learn to embrace the emptiness instead of fighting it. Or maybe fighting it is what is helping me create? 

I did manage in the midst of all that is going on, to find time to capture a photo for my 52 week project. I got this candle at Hobby Lobby. I was anxious to try it out. I couldn't find our lighter so I had to light it with the stove; an electric stove I might add...which caused quite a smoke storm in the apt. Ooops! As with any photo, I have a vision in my head, executing however, is a whole other dragon. I love candles that drip. There is something so magical about them. Of course everything is drip-less now or battery operated. You see now why I was so excited to find these! I also stumbled across a blog on how to make drippy looking candles from Pringle cans..... I will let you know how that goes. :)

PROJECT 52: WEEK 2: Color

"Color in the Darkness"

It was actually quite fascinating watching this candle burn..it was as if an abstract art piece was forming right before my eyes. I decided to call this, "Color in the Darkness"......













I have also been doing a lot of doodling in the middle of editing photos, creating photo books, etc....Doodling actually calms my restless mind. The squiggly cat that appeared in my head late one night has finally made an appearance...after several attempts to recreate him from what I saw in my head to the paper. I am pretty happy with him. I am thinking of doing a giant canvas of him. Stay tuned. 

I have failed this week on my Transformation series. I ate like I hadn't eaten in months. Sigh. I really want to get the rest of this weight off. My fiance an I did buy healthy foods for this week and I am hoping I might have a better week. I am fighting a health scare right now, which has kicked me into a ravenous emotional creature who is eating everything in sight. I am going to have to have a mammogram to make sure everything is OK. I pray it is. I am not sure how much life energy I have left to fight anymore battles. I will keep creating, keep writing, keep imagining magical creations to help me through all of this and of course pray---I have quite a few prayer warriors on my FB page to keep me going.

Until next time,
yum yums, kitties, and creative monsters,
Jo

Sunday Squishies

I love Sundays. There is something so peaceful about a Sunday. Although it is a bittersweet day, knowing Monday is right around the corner.

My head has been swimming with ideas these past few days. Sometimes I will lie awake in bed, eyes closed, and ideas will pop into the darkness. Last night a black cat made of squiggles leaped into my head. He looked at me with these big eyes and then pranced around, tail dancing in the air as if he were waiting for me to pet him. How do you pet a cat made of squiggles? LOL  He is still in my head waiting patiently for me to bring him to reality. 


  I decided to do a 52 week photo challenge.

This is very time consuming, but  helpful in getting the creative juices flowing. The first week; a self portrait. I love doing these. It has nothing to do with vanity as I hate my photo to be taken, but all about the creative process and becoming someone new. It is very cathartic. My original plan did not work, but I am happy with the results and it nails exactly how I have been feeling.

"Letting Go"

I am going through a lot of changes in my life. Many are very difficult right now. There are things I was hoping would have happen and haven't. But they are beyond my control right now. This photo represents all the pain I am feeling and watching it peel away as I deal with it. Some of it leaving open wounds. I don't expect anyone to understand or even care. Most people think I am weird and too emotionally deep for their liking. But that emotional side of me is what spurs my creativity and makes me who I am.  I also know some people are never who they claim to be. There are people who I seriously thought were friends and I realized I was wrong. This year is  all about letting go. So my photo is called, "Letting Go."

Many of you know my sister is in Afghanistan. It has been a long journey for her and she still has a long road ahead of her. I think about her often. I can't imagine being in such a place. She showed me a photo of a camel spider, it was one of the creepiest spiders I have ever seen. No, thank you! I would probably scream and pee my pants if one got close to me. haha! I am anxiously waiting for some goodies to arrive so I can send them to her. I have been storing away stuff to add to her box. It will be one of the weirdest boxes anyone has ever seen, but she is use to me and my weird ways.

I am also back on my Transformation series. It was put on the back burner last year due to health issues. I started today. The dreaded treadmill and I spent some time together this morning. I can already feel it in my legs and I didn't even push myself that hard. It's going to be a long road....haha! I made the old Grizzly Bear go with me....he growled and hid his face in his pillow, but he eventually got up. I would of sat on him if I had too. hehe. 

Next weeks photo challenge is COLOR.. Stay tuned. I have ideas. Not sure if they will work or not but that is the whole joy of the challenge. Or maybe I have really lost my mind!

Until Next time,

Squiggles and giggles,

Jo

Monday Morning Snow Day

As I listen to the hum of the furnace fiercely fighting off the winter cold, my heart and mind are restless.The winter storm has brought some peace today, a gentleness that slows us all down, even if it is for a brief moment. We all need to slow down. I think Mother Nature knows that. I am one of those people who rarely finds myself bored, restless, yes, but never bored. Dad always said, "Boredom is a lack of creativity." I have notes and notes rolling across the pages of notebooks and scrap pieces of paper with magical ideas that need to be brought to life. One day.

So I sit here and listen. It is quiet, except for the occasional plow truck gulping up the last bit of snow.  I laid in bed this morning fighting off the urge to sleep in, my mind thinking of all the things I could do today. After-all it is a snow day. As an adult it is kind of nice to get a snow day--that doesn't happen very often.
I watched my fiance sleep, curled up under a mound of blankets; his breathing gentle. An occasional smile danced across his face...completely at peace. Wonder what he was dreaming about?

I ventured out yesterday and built a snowman...the sculptor in me took over as I formed eyebrows and a chin. I love building with my hands...there is something energizing about it. I can't remember the last time I built a snowman. My heart filled with a magical giddiness, the kind you get when you are a little kid. For a brief uninterrupted moment, I was free; free from worry and doubt, free from adult responsibilities, free to just be me. Those moments don't happen very often. It's hard to believe one tiny snowman gave me all that.

Every year I tell myself I want the new year to be different, the new year to be magical...something amazingly wonderful to happen. And each year I am disappointed. I am so consumed with doing what everyone thinks I should be doing, that I have forgotten who I am. It's like my snowman, he is smiling, happy to be alive, it's a new beginning and then life happens and by the end he ends up looking like this:

I think most of us end up looking like this by the end of the year, ready for it to be over, ready for a new beginning..... I could list all the resolutions or goals or ideas that I want to accomplish this year and frantically work all year to obtain each and everyone of them., but if I am not true to myself, then none of it matters and in the end I will be as sad looking as my snowman.

Life comes from within.

Let's see if I can keep up with this blog this year. One of my many goals...haha. 

On a side note, this blog is more therapy for me. I have no followers. It's like talking to myself on a weekly basis, and I can still be considered 'sane.'.....:)